Taking The Leap

When I finally felt "ready" to be a mom...because of Kobe Bryant

With every thing that begins, there is a story. This is not everyone's story, but this is mine.

Timeline?

My husband and I got engaged after 10 years together. 3 years later, we got married. and 5 years later we had our first (and only so far) child. Let’s say we like to take our time? Needless to say, I didn’t feel a big rush to check off these big milestones. We wanted to live our life and travel and do all the things before having a kid. We were fortunate that we did.

No Rush

I always knew that I wanted to have children (that was never the question) but I never felt that big urge to have one. I was lucky to be surrounded by so many babies and kids - my own nieces and nephew, dozens of little cousins and dozens of my closest friends had kids. Again, as long as I was still relatively healthy, I didn’t feel this big pressure to have children. So, I didn’t. I focused my time on work and living life to the best of my ability.

Still Unsure

Even after so many years or being together, I still had my doubts about whether I was ready. I had doubts about whether WE, as a couple were ready. I was starting a new business and trying to build it up. To me, this was preparing me for motherhood because I wanted to transition to working at home and having a flexible schedule to take care of my baby. My husband is constantly busy with work and projects and spent little time at home. I didn’t think we had the time to be parents. And above all, I was scared. I never took parenthood lightly, and I didn’t know for sure if I was really ready.

January 26, 2020

On this day, I remember it so clearly. I was doing a local craft market when I started getting text messages that Kobe Bryant had died in a helicopter accident. I didn’t believe it and ignored the messages. Then, I googled it myself and it was true. I remember telling my vendor neighbour and we both were in shock as we were both big fans of Kobe. It actually bothered me all throughout the day, but I had to focus on working the market. After it was done, I was glued to the television for weeks. It was like I knew Kobe personally. Seems silly maybe?

Feeling the Pain

The weeks following Kobe’s tragic death, all I could really think of was how his wife must have been feeling - to have lost a child and a husband at the same time. I kept thinking about how strong she was. I was following her on Instagram and had been seeing her share photos of her and her daughters cope with their loss. Vanessa Bryant probably would not have been able to get through all the pain had she not had her other daughters with her, to be strong for.

An Aha Moment I Never Thought I Would Have

That’s when I thought about a worst-case scenario with me losing my husband. Who would I have to really keep me strong? Nobody. It hit me pretty hard with this realization. I knew then that I wanted a piece of my husband with me forever should anything tragic ever happen. Life is so short and I didn’t want to wait much longer to have our child.

Bonus

I found out that my best friend was pregnant with her second baby and that elevated my desire to be pregnant. Cmon, who wouldn’t want to be pregnant with her BFF at the same time so our kids can grow up together?

Covid Baby

We were stuck at home anyways, so why not try for a baby?! Each month that went by with only 1 single line on the test was disappointing. Fortunately, after a little time, we were able to jump on the Covid Baby Train and by December 2020 - New Year’s Eve to be exact, I told my husband we were preggos! The following summer, our baby girl was born and me and my BFF got to share 3 months of pregnancy together.

What I Have Learned

I often tell people that a regret I have is not having a child sooner - not waiting so long and missing out. But, that saying, "trust the timing of your life" holds true in my life. I trust that I waited for a reason. I trust that this happened for me at the exact right time. 

Motherhood has been the most challenging, eye-opening, inspiring, motivating, learning experience of my life. Choosing to be a mother was the best decision I ever made. It continues to be the fuel to this engine of living a life with intention and purpose. It has taught me so much about myself and my strengths, the importance of mental wellbeing, and to embrace the small joys. And for that, I have so much gratitude that you have chosen to join me on this journey.